So I Am Going to Be 40...Now What? (Part One)

So I am going to be 40... Now What?

With a few months to spare, I went on my quest to figure it all out.
Right away I assumed I needed to celebrate 40 in a BIG way to make it more meaningful.

So I contemplated jumping out of an airplane.
But as I got closer to my birthday, I realized that wasn't what I truly wanted nor what I needed. I have done excitement and adventure my entire life. Besides, skydiving was something that my husband has longed to do...someone else's 40th Birthday celebration.

So I contemplated climbing Machu Picchu.
But as I got closer to my birthday, I realized that it wasn't what I really wanted. It was actually something my friend had experienced recently, perhaps her own 40th Birthday celebration. That mountain is BIG...but is BIGGER really better?

I reflected.

What I discovered was that I needed to see things as they really are.

I need to be in inquiry with myself, to get really clear on who I am and how I wish to see myself in the next part of my life. Somehow, I need to take the lessons that I have learned from the past to transform myself into the person I want to be moving forward.

Then I ran into a friend of mine who told me about Vipassana.
This spiritual escape would give me the opportunity to pause, be introspective and see the true person I am to be.

Vipassana was on par with lessons I have learned about myself like needing the things I am most resistant to. Meditation is one of those things I believe people resist most because it is often to painful to look at the true self absent all of the fillers of life: technology, aesthetics, descriptors, labels, etc.

But if I don't take this time now.... then when? When will I take the time to step back and examine the life I have written for myself thus far? For if I am to live the story I want to read, I need to know what my story is still missing.

It's time...to take the leap... to climb the mountain... to sit with myself.

So... today I am traveling, 17 days before my 40th Birthday, to partake in a silent meditation.
To look inward so I can project myself outward in a meaningful way for the next 40 years!

I will hold space for myself and honor stillness in my life for an extended period of time with no expectations other than to see clearly.

I will remove myself from my current life for 10 days, detachment from the world as I know it; away from technology, family and friends, my asana practice... all to gather in a spiritual place, using an ancient Indian meditation technique, joining with others who seek the same inner peace.

To quote an unknown blogger:

"It's time to let go and start over. It's time to move on from the past to the future. It's time, not to forget memories, but to learn from them and become someone new. It's time to take a new path, to walk alone and to find ourselves to know where we have to go. It's time to begin again, not by changing who we are, nor by forgetting who we used to be, but by combining both of these people and transforming into who we were always meant to be". -  i'mclosertotheedge

See you in the second part of my life.

SILENCE...

Life is short, so get messy!

If you are interested in participating in a Vipassana, seek out available programs worldwide at http://www.dhamma.org. To read more about my Vipassana adventure, read "So I Am 40...Now What? (Part Deux)" when I return.

Smile at the Idiosyncrasies of Life

My mother’s chemotherapy session was delayed almost 2 hours.

They lost her medical file, that led to a series of mishaps including having to go back to the reception desk (do not pass go, do not collect $200) and then finally to get blood work. When we started off this morning, we arrived early in an attempt to create a flow for the day. But the day resisted. 

For any normal person, this inconvenience would be seen as irreconcilable but for a person battling cancer, these small bumps become minuscule comparatively to the big picture. Soon I realized that this would become a moment to observe and learn from my mother.   

In what my mother described as "The Idiosyncrasies of Cancer", she noted that this day is just one example of the bumps she has met along the way on her journey.

An idiosyncrasy is described as "a structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group".  Unfortunately, cancer is filled with idiosyncrasies. 

In everyday life, an example of an idiosyncrasy is people not changing the toilet paper roll when its finished. The likelihood is that at some point someone will need it to wipe themselves but for some reason, the person who took the last sheet of paper fails to replenish the roll. In my house, if this happens, you are left in a state of dependency of having someone get you a new roll while you are in the act of going to the bathroom or if new rolls are out of reach and there is no one around, you are forced with a different kind of challenge (LOL). 

While we were in the "slaughter house", the name which my mother often gives to the cancer clinic, she went on to describe "The Idiosyncrasies of Cancer". She stated she has faced many of these idiosyncrasies that "they" neglect to tell you before you start on journey.

• The pricking of the finger to get blood. Each visit they squeeze and scrap the blood into a container.
• The coldness of a hard X-Ray machine slab lying on your back. 
• The white lies they tell you: "This is gonna be just a pinch" or "We're getting you a room now"... 3 hours later...

While reflecting on some of these experiences with my mother, I found comfort in her grace and humor as she accepts all of the idiosyncrasies with a SMILE, finding joy in each moment. It got me thinking about everyday idiosyncrasies and how I don't always handle them with such grace. Why couldn't I just offer them a SMILE and be more like my mother.  

So, in the spirit of my mother, here is a list of 10 idiosyncrasies in my everyday life that I will attempt to SMILE at moving forward:

1. My husband spending hours in the home improvement store, watching Holmes on Homes and in perpetual production mode on the house. SMILE. For he saves thousands in home improvement costs. 
2. My son telling me something at the last minute, which always costs me money. SMILE. For at least we are present in each others lives.
3. My dog laying on my couch and covering it in hair. SMILE. For he only thinks he's human and loves you infinite.
4. My cat scratching at my bedroom door obnoxiously waking me up to get in at any time of the night. SMILE. For she thinks she's more human than the dog and while she may not love me infinite, she loves my husband and son infinite. 
5. The laughter of a colleague who's voice can be heard throughout the office. SMILE. For that laughter brings joy into the workplace.
6. People actively engaged in texting while walking. SMILE. For they are connecting with someone beyond themselves. 
7. Pushy commuters or tourists boarding, transiting, or disembarking the Staten Island Ferry. SMILE. For they are rushing to get home to or heighten the experience with their loved ones. 
8. Youth who are idle in their lives. SMILE. And be an adult who can lead them to their greatness.
9. People who complain. SMILE. For silence and non-reaction to their complaints resonates more than a response.
10. People who are not present. SMILE. For they still have some work to do. Be an example for them. 

When we start to look at idiosyncrasies in our life with a SMILE, we make space for another. Suddenly, we are coming from a place of LOVE and the resentment towards life's idiosyncrasies dissolve.

So, accept the idiosyncrasies in your life. Acknowledge when bumps show up on your journey. See the road for what it is beyond yourself. Find the connection....... and SMILE! 

Life is short, so get messy!