Letting Go of What We Are Not

"The instant a fish accepts that they will never have arms,

they grow fins." - The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo

There are instances in our lives when we try hard to be the person we think we are supposed to BE.

Perhaps we are trying to BE something for someone else. To have others accept us. To have others love us. We anticipate that the acceptance or love will come in a particular form. So we imagine that one day others will accept us or love us in the way we envision them doing so. We strive with extraordinary effort to get others to reciprocate to us that which we have given to them.

When we put all this energy out and get nothing in return, we are surprised. We get angry. We take it personal. We demand reciprocity.

What I have come to realize is that we have no right to put all our energy out there in an effort to obtain someones acceptance and love and get upset when we get nothing in return. We cannot get angry or judgmental as to why there was no love in return. We must just accept what is.

For me, the drive to obtain someones love is part of the "lie" that I have been living for years that somehow I am not good enough. Why else would a person continually strive for someone's affection for years without ever getting even a glimmer of affection in return?

At what point do we decide to surrender to the notion that things are the way they are?
How do we come to accept what is?

When we accept that which is, we can let go of the fantasy of what is "supposed" to BE.

"Discernment is a process of letting go of what we are not." - Father Thomas Keating

In one of my current relationships, I have spent an extraordinary amount of energy to show love and support, for which I have received very little in return. I was not expecting some sort of monetary compensation rather I was looking for some emotional connection: a phone call, a kind word, acknowledgement when times were tough for me. Heck, some quasi-semblance of a relationship!

After years of giving, I finally came to the awareness that I had expended all of my effort for this person and received nothing emotionally in return. It took a wise woman who coached me and offered that I set boundaries in this relationship.  So I did. It was then that I came to the realization that my relationship was no where near what I thought it should BE and that I should stop creating the fantasy that if I continue to try, that one day it will BE.

My boundaries were set. I stopped showing up unless asked. I stopped being available at every moment for the sheer possibility that I might be needed.

And then I saw the light.

I realized that the abundance of energy I had put into this relationship was now available for me and for others who were truly present with me. Suddenly I had more space in my life for greatness. I had more time to bring compassion to those who were ready to accept it from me!

Discernment set in.

I accepted myself for who I was and who I was not.
I accepted my relationship for what it was and what it was not.

"And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in full knowledge and all discernment."  - Philippians 1:9

In that moment, I realized that like the fish, I had no legs and I grew fins.

I could not be the person that was loved and accepted in that relationship no more than the fish could grow legs and walk underwater.

I could not be all things for everyone.

All I could BE was me.
All I could do was accept and love myself and those around me, even if they didn't reciprocate that same acceptance and love back to me.

All I can BE is a bright, blooming flower amidst a dark, dreary world, evoking peace.
I cannot judge people for failing to live up to a societal expectation of what is.
All I can do is accept them.
All I can do is love them.
Love who I am.
Love to BE.

Life is short, so get messy! 

PASSION

True happiness comes when you are doing that which you are most passionate about. 

A few weeks ago I took a course with Deborah Williamson, the founder of Wild Abundant Life (and an amazingly passionate person) that forced me to look at what my passion is. I am fast approaching the BIG 4-0 and simultaneously I am starting to shift into a new pathway in my life. So moving forward in the next 40 years or so from the approach of “knowing what my passion is” will certainly ensure a happy and successful journey. In the past, I have pursued my passion, however it is a bit outdated and has lost its vibrancy. And that’s ok! I am certainly not the same person I was 20 years ago, so the same passion I had back then just doesn’t fit.

So how do I know what my passion is today, right at this moment? There are so many things I love about life but it has been a bit of a challenge for me to pinpoint my exact passion. I seem to have so many! 

Here are 3 questions I have been contemplating to attempt to answer the BIG question: What is my passion?

1. What people, places or things bring your core passion to the surface?

2. What activities, interests and experiences arouse your core passion?

3. What noble pursuits do you (or can you) have that allow you to experience your core passion more often? 

I am not a religious person but I started thinking about iconically passionate people and immediately Jesus came to mind. Think about it. Jesus was the ultimate passionate person. He loved going around preaching the word of God and shared that message no matter what people said about him. He was so passionate that despite being threatened with death, he continued in his life's work because he felt in his heart it was the right thing to do.  

While I toy around with this notion of what my own passion is, I have been in inquiry as to what passion looks like in modern times.  All I had to do was look around me to take notice of all of passionate people around me doing some really amazing life work! All of them are living their passion:

Devine Interventions is a genre-blending trio out of NYC that fused Hip Hop/Reggae and Soul with infectious harmonies and a laid back, witty and progressive style. They are well known for their live street/subway performances and acoustic sets in clubs and cafes around the city. They troll the NYC Subway system daily to spread their passion of music and peace to anyone who will listen. Despite their struggles to be heard, they keep moving forward with love in their hearts knowing that people who are listening receive joy from their efforts. Through Facebook, my friend turned me onto them and then one day ironically, I stumbled upon them on the "A" train, where we had an amazing conversation about their noble pursuits! My favorite song they perform is "A Brighter Day". 

Support Devine Interventions by checking out their website, go see a show, friend them, or if you happen to see them on the subway one day, just listen to their magic and drop a donation in their cup! 

Farmer John Krueger is the owner/operator of Starbrite Farms in Andover, New Jersey who provides fresh, organic produce to city folks in New Jersey and New York via numerous Community Supported Agricultures (CSAs). John is passionate to own his own farm as he has been cultivating the land he rents to service over 20 CSAs. Over the past few years John has attempted to save the down payment to purchase the land he currently rents. The landlord is forging forward willing to sell the land to anyone who will buy it before John is ready to make the purchase. John's passion is to keep farming, purchase this land and move forward on his journey to bring amazing produce to the people. Despite his struggles, John has transformed fear into excitement, collaborating with CSA members with various skill sets to generate revenue to purchase his farm. Some ideas include graphic designs for tee shirts and a fundraising gourmet dinner, with a famous chef on the farm. But it will take motivated people like you to make this all possible! What came to mind for me is a yoga day on the farm: a yoga practice and then a community dinner to follow. Hmmmm...

If you wish to collaborate with Farmer John to create a community event or raise revenue to purchase the farm, reach out to him at: kruegerjohn@earthlink.net

What I have realized about the above named passionate people is that they all exhibit the same qualities:

1.       They LOVE what they do.

2.       They keep MOVING FORWARD, despite the hardships.

3.       They SHARE their gift with others.

4.       They spend every moment of their free time DOING it.

5.       They feel JOY when they are in creation.

If you are at a plateau, perhaps realizing that a big shift is needed to revitalize your being, start considering evaluating your passion at this moment! Get into inquiry about your passion and see if it's time for an update!

Life is short, so get messy!